Saturday 19 December 2015

The End of 2015 Big Anti-Scriptwriting Q+A!

First off, thanks to everyone who submitted questions. There's a really nice range of topics to discuss, and it actually soon became apparent that some of them could yield enough material for an entire blog post. Nevertheless, I've tried to find a balance between concise and comprehensive answers for all of you.

Before we dive in though, I want to evaluate the efficacy of this "experiment". I've been fortunate enough to have quite a consistent audience for this blog, and so getting you guys involved seemed like the next logical step. And it worked... mostly. My "call to arms" post actually ended up having a lot of attention, with likes, retweets, etc., but funnily enough, I only got a very small handful of questions.

Perhaps my audience is simply that - an audience, willing to consume content but not quite ready to respond? Or maybe it's me, "putting on" quite a scary, unhinged persona, potentially frightening people away? Either way, I've spent much of this week greasing the wheels, calling for questions, and, I think we finally got there in the end. It's made me all the more grateful for those of you who came forward, so again, thank you. It's also made me question how effective Twitter polls actually are...


1) How do you go about writing a screenplay? What is your step-by-step process?


Cheeky double question to start off...  I like it. I usually maintain that you should be dreaming up the idea in your head for at least a few months before you ever commit anything to paper / document. Get the idea nice and formulated so you're not starting from absolute scratch. From there, I'll usually work on character bios and the rough beats of the plot, before turning that into an outline.

Only when I'm 100% happy with that outline will I then move onto the script itself. If you've planned comprehensively, writing then just becomes a case of going through step by step, fleshing out each story beat with conflict and fun visual sequences. If, however, your outline was a bit of a rush job... Let's just say having some experience with improv comes in handy.
Once you're done, get it looked at by writer friends (usually in exchange for reading their work), and redraft it as much as possible before you send it to anyone important. We're talking many drafts.

2) How would you rewrite the Star Wars prequels to make them... good?


There are so many places to start with this that I almost feel a little shred of pity for George Lucas. Sure, cutting out Jar Jar is a start, but then what happens to the Jedi upon landing on Naboo? You could make Anakin a little older and less whiny, but then wouldn't he just tell Watto to go screw himself before leaving and starting a life out in the Dune Sea? I even *gasp* defended the use of Midichlorians as a narrative device in this old article

Personally, I'm a fan of the internet's theory that Darth Maul should have survived Episode 1. That way, Obi Wan is deeply conflicted about teaching Anakin the virtues of being a Jedi, whilst still lusting for revenge himself. Anakin becomes aware of his master's mission to kill Maul, which sends him down the path to the Dark Side. It's certainly more compelling than the "he was kind of evil all along so just run with it" idea.

3) Where do you source inspiration from?


In short, other media. In "long"... usually, depending on the project I'm currently looking to pursue, I'll do my best to consume films and TV shows of a similar ilk. Not quite identical, but perhaps an existing piece of media that links thematically or tonally to what I'm looking to achieve. As a writer, part of the skill is being able to turn that "inspiration" coming from an existing idea into a new approach that hasn't been done before.

Having said that, sometimes watching a film or TV show that is the absolute opposite can be a good source of inspiration too. Watch comedy if you're looking to inject some levity into your drama. Watch political thrillers if you feel your script is lacking authenticity or maturity. If it's a piece of media that you can mostly turn off your mind to, all the better, as you don't want to become too caught up in what you're watching, over what you're trying to produce.

4) What is the absolute worst thing you've ever seen/read in a script?


Ooo boy. This one's a doozy. Y'know, for all of the extremities of this blog, I try not to deal in "worst" or "best" when it comes to script reading, and judge a script on its own merits, or lack thereof. Naturally, as well, it'd be unfair of me to throw anyone under the bus after they may have put in just as much effort as someone who has put together a really great script. Similarly, many will argue that there are no right or wrong ways to tell a story.

Despite that, there are ways to tell a story that are redundant, moronic or simply non-sensical. I think I've made it known what my major pet peeves are in scripts - talking about camera directions, repetitive dialogue, a lack of visuals, poorly defined characters, "we see..." (*shudder*), etc. If you like, check out my article about the top ten errors (let's say in judgment, rather than script) to see which mistake made my number one pick right here.

5) The three act structure is obviously the most common structure for features, but how would you structure a short film or short story?


There's a lot to be said for the merits of the three act structure. It may be a little overused, but it still works in creating a satisfying narrative experience. In many ways, you could still very easily implement a three act structure into a short film, reducing the length of each act whilst still maintaining the balance. Short films obviously have a beginning, middle and end, so why not take advantage of the tried and tested act formula?

Taking you back to GCSE Media Studies, Todorov's equilibrium theory still tracks logically, no matter the length - characters are in one situation, that equilibrium becomes challenged, and by the end, they reach a new equilibrium. Nevertheless, short films permit more cause for narrative experimentation. You want to leave a lasting impression on the audience, so don't be afraid to go a little nuts. Make it non-linear, give us a three act structure within a single act, give the rhythm an almost poetic feel. It's all down to the story you're telling.

6) What is the most charismatic line of dialogue you have ever written?


It may shock you to learn that I'm not exactly swimming in charisma in real life. Charisma is all about having a certain presence and confidence in the moment, which only a few people are truly gifted with. But that's the joy of writing - you have time to craft the perfect response, the ultimate badass, that killer put-down that you would have never thought of in the moment. Even so, I try to keep my dialogue feeling fairly whimsical and off-the-cuff as much as possible.

So, when I decided to take on writing a Western film, faced with the prospect of having numerous gritty badass characters, it was definitely a little out of my comfort zone. In the end there are a load of lines I'm really proud of in that script, but I think the most inherently charismatic comes from the delightfully flamboyant, unhinged and excommunicated priest, Abner Windley...

"I see the real truth in your soul, my child. You are fearful. We will take you to a place beyond fear. But if your chosen course dictates you wish not to assist... I will end you."

7) How do you find your niche?


The idea of every writer having a niche has always been particularly interesting to me. As much as I love writing Science Fiction or Comedy, I also don't want to be bound to that definition of my writing style, as evidenced by the question above. People know what genres they like, so I think they would naturally gravitate to working within those parameters, but I personally prefer a different approach to finding my style.

Try everything. Even if only once. I don't have any particular desire to write a Horror script, but that doesn't mean I haven't had ideas for Horror films. People say Uni is the best time for experimentation, and they don't just mean in the sex, drugs and rock n' roll sense. Take advantage of any free writing time you have to push yourself into new areas - only then will you know what you're best at. Having scripts for every occasion is also super useful later on in your career.

8) What are your top tips for overcoming writer's block?


Thankfully, I've already put together an entire blog post on this topic, so you get an entire article as your answer. Congratulations! You can find it in this old cavern here...

9) How should I go about writing in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy genre?


I think the key to Sci-Fi and Fantasy writing is world building. Too often writers come up with a fun concept and just bung that into a typical drama format, without taking the time to take advantage of building a rich mythology. Even if there only ends up being hints of the bigger picture in your end product, crafting an entire world or timeline for your story can be an immensely satisfying experience and gives an audience more reasons to invest in the story.

Beyond that, tone is probably the most important factor to consider in these genres. A danger with the aforementioned world building is that the dialogue can devolve into techno-babble / mythical-babble exposition, like how the Great Jarl of Ironhold vanquished the blah blah of blah. The best Fantasy and Science Fiction establishes a "voice", like the moody Noir of Bladerunner or the fading innocence of The Lord of the Rings trilogy.

10) Is it better to work on the basis of what would be more potentially successful to modern audiences or just do what you like?


As I've said in the previous questions, going out there and writing whatever story or genre you want is a great way to learn the ropes of being a writer. It's only ever worth writing stories that you want to write, otherwise the end result is almost always something that feels half-baked. What I will say, however, is that it's also worth knowing when you need to set your dumb passion project full of stupid in-jokes to one side in favour of actually getting noticed.

Writing is a learning process, but once you can safely say you have a strong grip on the nature of the craft, your next step is learning how to make your ideas a commercial prospect. The sad fact is, no matter how excellent your ambitious superhero Sci-Fi action film script is, producers will inevitably shy away if you're a first time writer. Prove you can do more with less, and work your way up to those big ambitious projects.

11) Are there any movies that are generally considered to be great Shawshank-calibre films that you dislike the writing of or can find massive plot holes in?


This may be a controversial stance, but honestly, I'm not really bothered by plot holes at all. I am bothered by people calling them out in the middle of the movie, especially if it goes on to explain it moments later. In summary, I enjoy turning my brain off and losing myself in a film, no matter what it's perceived "quality" is. Writing style is a different story though, and this probably mostly speaks to my own preferences as a storyteller...

I've only ever truly "disliked" the writing style of comedies. Maybe they just doesn't appeal to my sense of humour, but a lot of the time, from an objective standpoint, I lament the inherent lack of wit in modern movie comedies (genuinely thought Pitch Perfect was dreadful, but everyone I know seemed to love it?). Big Classic Dramas, on the other hand, I'm less bothered by. I don't mind The Godfather, even if it's a little slow in places, but I still respect and appreciate the writing. So, ultimate cop out answer, there aren't really any classics that I dislike - just a few that I'm indifferent towards.

12) How do you go about writing antagonists?


Antagonists are absolutely the most fun to write, because, for the most part, you get to play out the darker reflection of your protagonist's journey. First off, consider how different you want them to be from your hero - perhaps they're similar in almost every way, save for the one crucial factor, or, on the other hand, the total polar opposite. Next up, you make them objectively better than your main character. Your antagonist has them beat on almost all fronts.

In balancing the scales in your villain's favour, you've now created a real conflict with palpable obstacles for your hero to overcome. Your story is about putting your hero through the ringer, so your villain needs to have the upper hand. Then you can start working out the finer details of their characterization - their voice, presence, how other characters perceive them, etc. Most importantly though, never forget their humanity, and what makes them "good" from their perspective. Here are some tips I threw together.

13) What's your view on the use of tropes? Should they be avoided or are they helpful for audiences to understand the setting and motives?


Tropes, for those who don't know, are recurring narrative conventions that crop up in numerous different mediums, whilst not being overplayed to the point of becoming cliché. TV Tropes remains one of my most visited websites on a daily basis - you can spend literally hours on there learning how your favourite stories are constructed, learning where tropes originated from, and what else is out there that's similar. Enjoy at your own peril.

I would absolutely say that tropes are useful for writers, not necessarily to base your story around (unless you're going to actively deconstruct tropes in a meta narrative), but to understand the core conventions of storytelling. As for audiences, I think most viewers know what tropes are on a subconscious level (we can all identify a "Big Bad", "Heel Face Turn" or "Batman Gambit" if we know what we're looking for), but they won't make or break a narrative for the common observer.

14) How do you maintain enthusiasm over an entire feature length script?


In terms of reading a feature... Usually barely. BUT, from a writing perspective, enthusiasm is entirely reliant on how what opportunities you've presented for yourself. If you've outlined your story to be punctuated by major turning points or action sequences, a lot of the time, your writing will be fuelled by the promise that those big moments are just around the corner. It's not about getting to the end, but the next awesome sequence that will blow the viewer away.

Really, this comes down to the most valuable question you can ask of your work - "Do I love every scene?". You don't have to be head over heels for everything you've written, but there needs to be something for you to latch on to within each individual scene that only you can 100% capitalise on. If a scene is set up, or establishing, or connecting action, FLUSH IT AWAY. If you can't find a reason to enjoy each moment in your script, an audience member will struggle even more.

15) How do you go about writing action sequences?


There's a scene in the script for Macbeth (Shakespeare's original, not the recent Fassbender film) where ol' Bill just writes "They fight". For some people, that works in film scripts - leave the choreography up to the professionals by leaving it open to interpretation. From my perspective though, given the visual nature of film over the prosaic stylings of the Bard, something this simple is a missed opportunity.

On the flip side, you don't want to write an entire 10 minute karate face-off, or an intricately paced gunfight, blow by blow, gunshot by gunshot. But there is a happy medium where you can punctuate the action with emotional beats. Maybe your protagonist gets flung against a wall and knocked out temporarily, or a bullet in the arm slows down the badass during his last stand? Keep the action authentic to the tone of your story, but break it up with moments where we feel something.

16) Why are you terrible at writing?


What a lovely (joke) question. Thank you, anonymous. Perhaps the real question is, if I'm so terrible at writing, why are you still reading?


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So, that's it from me for 2015. Thanks again for all the questions, and I'll be back at some point early on in 2016 to start moaning about the injustices within the world of scriptwriting and reading once more. Happy Holidays and May the New Year Be With You!


James Cottle, a Scriptwriting Mega-Scholar™, is now a real world Freelance Writer, in between intense bouts of Script Reading. Follow him on Twitter @Jxmxsc, "like" the Anti-Scriptwriting page on Facebook, and share this blog if you want his opinions on your work to be completely unbiased.

Saturday 12 December 2015

Calling All Writers, Friends and People Who Are "Write-Curious"...


Short "blog" today, people, as I'm presently between various chunks of work that demand a great deal of pre-Christmas attention...

NEVERTHELESS.

Be excited, for next week is going to be my final article of 2015, and, with your help, it could be an absolute doozy.

Next week, I'll be posting up The End of 2015 Big Anti-Scriptwriting Q+A!

This will be your opportunity to have all of your burning questions answered by me - a little like a Reddit AMA, but hopefully, even more thought provoking.

I'll be answering EVERY question that gets sent to me over the next week in the article, no matter the subject (unless it involves bank details - nice try, Nigerian Prince).

Naturally, I'd like some writing-related questions. Maybe you want to know about the craft, my approach to storytelling, what life is like as a script reader, etc. If you're a novice writer, it could be a great chance to ask about writing stuff you've always wanted to know in a (mostly) judgement free zone.

On the flip side, if you simply want to get know me a little better, I will also gladly field any of those inquiries. Perhaps you've always wondered who my favourite Ninja Turtle is (if the new movie trailer is anything to go by, it's none of them), how long it takes me to grow a beard, or why I recently decided to memorise every element of the periodic table.

Also, I'll be posting who has asked each question, unless, in your message, you specify that you would like to remain anonymous. If I happen to get any questions from the hacker group, Anonymous, you'll be able to pretend you're a member for the day.

Ultimately, this is an experiment, which is wholly reliant on the involvement of you guys, so please, ladies and gentlemen, don't let me down!

SO...

If you want to fire over a question, you can either comment on this Blogspot post, message or post it to my Anti-Scriptwriting page (or personal page, if you know me) on Facebook, direct message or Tweet me at either @AntiScriptBlog or @Jxmxsc, or, if you're super-privileged, text me.

Thanks a lot everybody! Cautiously looking forward to all of your wonderful questions!


James Cottle, a Scriptwriting Mega-Scholar™, is now a real world Freelance Writer, in between intense bouts of Script Reading. Follow him on Twitter @Jxmxsc, "like" the Anti-Scriptwriting page on Facebook, and share this blog if you want his opinions on your work to be completely unbiased.

Saturday 5 December 2015

A Sample Script Report For The Anti-Scriptwriting Blog

Script Reports are a peculiar beast. They have the unenviable task of summarising the strengths and weaknesses of a script in a manner that will be satisfying for the original writer, whilst still being forthcoming enough to tell them where their "magnum opus" really falls down. There isn't time to get into every detail, but without specific examples, the feedback won't feel like it's related to this script in particular. In summary, it's all a rather precarious balancing act, and one I feel like the unfamiliar amongst you should bear witness to. So, I've decided to write a script report for the one thing I know for a fact you've all been reading for the last few weeks... This blog.

Also, watch out for my behind the scenes author's notes in itallics, if only to explain why I've said that horrible thing in that particularly horrible way.

Script Report Commence! - Note: I've never started a report like this, but I feel I will from now on.

Plot Summary: - Note: I never normally include headings at all, to be honest, so this is purely for your benefit.


Following his days of formal education in the world of scriptwriting, James Cottle begins to feel as if his accumulated knowledge on the topic is going to waste, firing off pointless job applications and spending too much time watching Frasier repeats. He sets up a reasonably successful blog, initially as an excuse to share some opinions on superhero movies that wouldn't fit into a Facebook Status, but soon it becomes a thoughtful outlet on discussing all things writing-related. However, after six months, the bells of unemployment start to chime, so James halts the blog in order to focus on regular script reading work. Almost a year later, he returns to the blog he loves, now with a whole new set of skills that he wants to share with the world.

Note: All of that is true, although I'm still very much embroiled in watching Frasier repeats.

Positives:


The Anti-Scriptwriting blog certainly follows a unique premise - a writing blog that eschews conventional advice in favour of a more light-hearted (if occasionally aggressive), fun approach to the world of scripts - Note: Sometimes, a cheeky back-handed compliment in brackets might be necessary, as if to say, "take this with a pinch of salt, buddy". Hidden amongst these gags at the expense of Michael Bay and people who write "We see...", however, are some genuinely interesting insights, subtly teaching the reader without them realising - Note: stick in the word "genuinely" if you're afraid of not sounding sincere. What results is almost akin to a complex character study, where James' emotional state and mindset vary from week to week, painting a picture of a man who has seen some things, but also wouldn't mind seeing those things again - Note: I'm aware I treat script reading like I was in 'Nam sometimes, and for that, I'm sorry, but also not sorry.

Note: OK, brace yourself for the gloves to come off.

Negatives:


Note: I usually kick off with a paragraph of general "story" notes.

Despite all this, the blog does unfortunately fall down in a few places - Note: lower them down gently with a sentence that screams "disappointment". The constantly shifting tone does make for an inconsistent reading experience, with some blogs passing by without so much as a joke, and others desperately trying so hard to be funny that the resulting message becomes diluted - Note: BAM! Hit them with failure on multiple fronts. It becomes hard for us to root for James when he spends entire articles trying to be unlikeable, despite his natural charisma and charm - Note: Not my words, just the words of this fictional reader persona I've created today. As a result of this inconsistency, a number of plot holes and contradictions arise, where you seem to almost deliberately undermine points you've made in previous articles - Note: Yeah, I've done this a few times now.

Note: The next paragraph is typically revolving around dialogue, and most of the time, there's usually far too much to say within the confines of just the one.

The primary issue with the way you communicate your points is that you simply take far too long explaining the reasoning behind a short heading that frankly says it all - Note: Sometimes I have written a heading and thought "I genuinely have nothing more to say about this, but I'mma talk anyway". Sentences like "INSERT EXAMPLE HERE" and "INSERT EVEN WORSE EXAMPLE HERE" lessen the impact by over-labouring the point, rather than keeping the blog moving forwards. There are also a number of instances of exposition, where it feels like you're telling us that exposition is bad, without showing us that it's bad - Note: Just like in this sentence. Ensure each line is in keeping your character's "voice", and try to end your sentences on the most impactful or humorous moment to keep the reader wanting more - Note: Boobies.

Note: The final paragraph in the negatives section typically revolves around scene description, formatting, and spelling/grammar if applicable. Naturally, I'm incredible at all of these, so try not to pay too much attention.

Aside from the over-reliance on cheap gags and long, drawn-out sentences (Note: i.e. dialogue in an actual script report), there needs to be a stronger dependence on visual storytelling throughout the blog, in order to allow the reader to immerse themselves in the world you've created - Note: no matter how much you highlight the word "visual", most writers still don't seem to get it. Paint a clearer picture with your vocabulary, rather than hopping from point to point with disconnected "jokes" that fail to maintain a consistent narrative - Note: highlighting the word "jokes", on the other hand, is the ultimate kick in the teeth which they will NOT forget. Formatting wise, try to use pictures that actually correlate with the point you're making, and refrain from mixing up itallics, capital letters and underlining to emphasise your points - Note: It's probably worth you ignore that previous note. And the following picture for that matter.

Conclusion:


Note: Remind them what you thought was good, before crushing their dreams with the reasons you thought their life's work fails, and what they should focus on improving.

Overall, the Anti-Scriptwriting blog has a great deal of potential (Note: "potential" is the ultimate back-handed compliment term), along with some strong character and insights that leave a lasting impression - Note: Lasting impressions = not always a good thing. However, in future articles, you need to focus more on creating a cohesive experience for the reader, avoiding intentional contradictions, stretching out important points and improving the timing (Note: Boobies) and maturity (Note: Uhhh...) of your jokes. Hopefully then, the blog will be ready to start impressing people in higher places - Note: always end on a glimmer of hope, no matter how much they do or do not deserve it.

Score: 5/10 - Note: Some agencies will go with the "Pass", "Consider" or "Recommend" options, whilst my present work dictates a score out of 10 is required. The majority of scripts I read will be 5 and below, sadly, although I've never had to give a 1, no matter how unacceptable they've been. Only given out a single 9, as my highest score too. Either way, I think we can all agree, there's still room for improvement with this blog, right? Or have I been too harsh? PLEASE VALIDATE ME. ISN'T THAT WHAT SCRIPT REPORTS ARE REALLY FOR, ANYWAY?!


James Cottle, a Scriptwriting Mega-Scholar™, is now a real world Freelance Writer, in between intense bouts of Script Reading. Follow him on Twitter @Jxmxsc, "like" the Anti-Scriptwriting page on Facebook, and share this blog if you want his opinions on your work to be completely unbiased.

Saturday 28 November 2015

Is Your Script Ready For Submission? - The Definitive Quiz

It's high time we set the record straight, and got down to brass tacks - I've made it no secret that script reading, whilst rewarding, can be a bit of a nightmare at times. The title of this article may have lead you to believe I was doing something for you, but, let me be completely transparent here, this article is totally, selfishly for my sole benefit. If it manages to help you along the way, well, let's just call that a happy bonus. If your speculative screenplay makes it through this vigorous test, then I'll be more than happy to look at it someday. If not, read between the lines. Results are at the bottom of the page...

1) Have you actually finished writing it yet?
If Yes, go to Question #2.
If No, go to Result #1.

2) Have you read it through on your own, more than once?
If Yes, go to Question #3.
If No, go to Question #4.

3) Have you had a friend (or family member) read it and give you feedback?
If Yes, go to Question #5.
If No, go to Question #4.

4) Do you think that reading your work, or someone else reading your work, is actually valuable?
If Yes, go back to Question #3, and get it read.
If No, go to Result #2.

5) Be honest, does that friend (or family member) have a basic knowledge of screenwriting?
If Yes, go to Question #6.
If No, go back to Question #3, and reach out to someone who does.

6) How was their feedback and how have you acted on it?
If "Great, I implemented all of their suggestions", go to Question #7.
If "Good, I implemented most of their suggestions", also go to Question #7.
If "Not good, I didn't implement any of their suggestions", go to Question #8.

7) Do you believe you have improved the script by implementing the suggested changes?
If Yes, go to Question #9.
If No, go to Result #3.

8) Did you lie on Question #5?
If Yes, go to back to Question #3, and get feedback from a better source.
If No, go to Result #4.

9) Do you genuinely think your script is ready for submission?
If Yes, go to Question #10.
If No, go to Result #5.

10) Like, seriously, absolutely, 110% sure?
If Yes, go to Question #11.
If No, go to Result #5.

11) Is this your first screenplay ever?
If Yes, go to Question #12.
If No, go to Question #14.

12) Have you ever had your dreams brutally stepped on before?
If Yes, go to Question #13.
If No, go to Result #6.

13) How did it feel having your dreams get brutally stepped on?
If Good, go to Question #14.
If Not Good, go to Result #6.

14) Can you name an existing film / TV show that's similar to your script?
If Yes, go to Question #15.
If No, go to Question #16.

15) How similar on a scale of 1-10 are we talking here?
If "Between 1 and 3, only some passing resemblances", go to Question #16.
If "Between 4 and 6, it draws a lot from its influences", go to Question #17.
If "Between 7 and 10, I love that film / TV show!", go to Result #7.

16) Have you taken the time to research if there's anything more similar out there?
If "Yes, and there's nothing", go to Question #18.
If "Yes, and I did find something else", go back to Question #15.
If "No", go back to Question #14 after having done that research.

17) Will other people immediately draw comparisons between your work and theirs?
If Yes, go to Result #7.
If No, go to Question #18.

18) Does your script include a page that consists solely of dialogue?
If Yes, go to Result #8.
If No, go to Question #19.

19) Does your scene description include any implicit camera directions or "We see..."?
If Yes, go to Result #8.
If No, go to Question #20.

20) Do you have a title page, along with your name and contact details?
If Yes, go to Question #21.
If No, add that in right away, and repeat Question #20.

21) Does your script 100% fit the brief for what has been asked of you?
If "Yes, 100%", go to Question #23.
If "Mostly", go to Question #22.
If "No", go to Result #9.

22) Do you think that will matter to the people you're submitting to?
If Yes, take all the necessary steps to get it to 100%, and go back to Question #21.
If No, go to Result #9.

23) Have included all of the materials they've asked for?
If "Yes, 100%", go to Question #24.
If "Mostly", go to Question #22.
If "No", sort that out immediately, and repeat Question #23.

24) Is this the absolute best that this piece of work can possibly be?
If Yes, go to Question #25.
If No, go back to Question #1 after improving it to that standard.

25) Are you prepared to deal with the emotional fallout if you are not successful?
If Yes, go to Result #10.
If No, repeat Question #25 until you are totally, completely, 100% ready.

THE RESULTS:

1) You Are Not Ready For Submission


In fact, you're the furthest away you could possibly be from submitting this piece of work. Get it finished, check it over, and come back to this quiz once it's a completed script.

2) You Are Not Ready For Submission


Sounds like someone has thrown their toys out of the pram before. Once you realise the value of having others read your work and give feedback, you'll be able to take your work to the next level.

3) You Are Not Ready For Submission


Why on Earth did you implement them?! Identifying worthwhile feedback is as important as receiving it. Get suggestions from multiple sources, and see where the common issues lie.

4) You Are Not Ready For Submission


You've been telling porkies, mate. Anyone with a basic knowledge of writing can give workable feedback. Implement the changes, or find someone else more qualified to give you suggestions.

5) You Are Not Ready For Submission


Honestly, you've just wasted your own time by even thinking it was worth taking this quiz. You should only be considering submitting work that you know is up to its best possible standard.

6) You Are Not Ready For Submission


As great as your first script may be in your head, everyone's first script is simply not good enough. Submit very much at your own caution, after you've taken the time to develop a thick skin.

7) You Are Not Ready For Submission


I don't want to say that you've wasted your time writing this script, but I will. You've wasted your time writing this script. If it already exists out there in the real world, no one is going to want to touch your version.

8) You Are Not Ready For Submission


You've been let down by an over-confidence in your abilities (and your friends who read your work). These are basic errors that immediately put yourself on the top of many readers' naughty lists.

9) You Are Not Ready For Submission


You've got this far, so why be careless? Receiving work outside of the required brief is frustrating for those in charge, and, actually, pretty damn disrespectful. Sort it out immediately.

10) Congratulations! Your Script Is Ready For Submission!


Providing you've answered with complete honesty, your script is ready to be seen by readers, agents, producers, competitions, etc. You'll just have to wait to find out if it's any good or not...


James Cottle, a Scriptwriting Mega-Scholar™, is now a real world Freelance Writer, in between intense bouts of Script Reading. Follow him on Twitter @Jxmxsc, "like" the Anti-Scriptwriting page on Facebook, and share this blog if you want his opinions on your work to be completely unbiased.

Saturday 21 November 2015

6 Coping Mechanisms For Reading Scripts That Are "Less Than Good"

I've talked a great deal about the folly of writers over the last few weeks, and now, with the help of a group of melancholy violinists, I thought it was about time we focused on the real victims of sub-par screenwriting - those who have to read the work. Whilst some may question if the present integrity of my sanity even permits me to hand out such advice, on account of "all dem scriptz", I'm more than happy to share my top tips on how I've been able to stare into the endless void of writing existence, and still keep one foot grounded in reality. The only question I have for you is, "Why are the violins playing the people?"...

1) Tire Yourself Out First


Reading a bad script with a surplus of energy is about as safe as ingesting hallucinogens during a double rainbow. You'll be bouncing off the walls and chewing on your furniture quicker than you can write "miss-speling". The majority of my personal script reading notes consist of more shouty capital letters and inappropriate language than a YouTube comment section. The trick is, if you get an early sixth sense from, say, the first two pages that you're going to be in for a bad time, you must absolutely destroy your body and mind by doing whatever intense activity you can think of as quickly as you can.

Ride a bike up a severe hill, engage in some coital activity with a kind neighbour, turn the "down" escalator in your local mall into a treadmill - whatever gets the job done quickest. By exhausting all of your excess energy on something as pointless as exercise for staying in shape, you're mind is now numbed from engaging in extreme emotion (editors note: a lot of "e" words in this sentence so far, James. Please calm down), allowing your objectivity to flourish like a beige-wearing librarian during National Book Week. Even if you do find yourself using the CAPS LOCK while writing your notes, you won't be as mentally drained by your frustration this time around.

2) Set Yourself Mini-Targets and Rewards


Ahhh, the old corporate motivational tool of mini-rewards, as all the mindless office drones compete in meaningless micro-competitions to see which rat can truly run the maze the fastest. Laugh all you will at these losers, but the formula is proven to be effective. When you're undergoing such a horrific trial-by-fire, like reading a script that is "less than good", you want to be safe in the knowledge that you're going to be adequately compensated (besides maybe a little cash) for your suffering. The best way to do that is to reward yourself. I'm talking more than just patting yourself on the back, which feels more awkward than successful.

"Right, for every 20 pages that I read, I get 10 minutes of gardening time". "Every 2 paragraphs of a report I write, I eat a three course meal". "Each time I read a word, I get to buy something new for my Honda Civic". These are just a few of the thousands of possibilities you could be enjoying today! Breaking down something unenjoyable into smaller, more digestible unenjoyable segments allows you to seamlessly jump between work and pleasure, without having to undergo long spells of one or the other. Just, y'know... Make sure you actually get it done.

3) Walk Away For At Least An Hour


ON THAT NOTE, give yourself some cool-down time, kid. If the whole "reward" thing isn't quite working out for you, on account of the fact that your new souped-up Honda Civic just made you vomit your finest Sunday lunch all over your beautiful hydrangeas, try just shutting off all external stimulus and chilling out. Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream. Let your mind forget about all that icky characterization, non-sensical plotting and atrocities in the name of all things grammar, and plug your ears into the relaxing sounds of whales doing their thing, or something else that doesn't make you as thirsty.

Upon returning to work, you'll find one of two things. Either everything that insulted you so much about the script previously isn't seeming quite as bad, and you're able to be more open and supportive of certain "creative" decisions. Or you'll continue to hate it. If it's the latter, take another hour or two. Get yourself into that Zen state, no matter how much brute force you have to take to achieve it. I often find that returning from a mini hiatus with a fresh batch of reluctant optimism affords me the ability to be more positive in the long run. Just, y'know... Get it done. Can't stress that enough.

4) Pretend That It's "Less Than Good" Deliberately


Well, now we're getting creative! Providing you can fool yourself into having an open sense of humour for a few hours in the day, you might start to find that reading "less than good scripts" can actually be an enjoyable experience. Gasp! The script becomes a "deliberately bad joke" that you're in on, as if you're infiltrating the system with the writer to see how high up the food chain you can pass this thing. Therein lies a powerful sense of camaraderie, allying yourself with the budding scribe as opposed to creating a new enemy for yourself. They've fulfilled their side of the joke, now you have to make good and produce your "serious" report, telling them why they are naughty *wink face*.

Your faith in humanity always rests on the comforting thought that everyone else knows what they're doing. This coping mechanism complements that, possibly naive, train of belief, allowing your critical feedback to come from a place of positivity and acceptance. The only danger is if the script has been written to be "less than good" deliberately - suddenly some clever clogs who has turned terrible writing on its head to create something brilliant and hilarious is greeted with script coverage that, well, didn't get the joke. To all those post-modern, coffee-slurping, bespectacled, seven-layers-of-irony writers who have tried this approach - bravo, but you're going to have to include a disclaimer for all us bespectacled, seven-layers-of-irony readers.

5) Read It In A Place Surrounded By People


Whenever I'm reading alone in my home, I get surprisingly vocal about my general disapproval of people who are, honestly, probably doing their best. With no one else around to bounce off my escalating insanity, my feedback runs the risk of becoming an indecipherable smörgåsbord of inconsequential shouting, mild threats and a surprising amount of Gloria Gaynor lyrics. Now, I'm not saying you should only ever read around your friends and family, because you want to share your continued suffering with others like a normal member of society. No. I'm instead suggesting that you bottle that madness up, and surround yourself with total strangers.

That's right - pack up your laptop, a couple of red bulls and a serious desire to kick some scriptwriting ass, because you're hitting the road, Jack. Get yourself into a local library, cafe or acupuncture clinic, set up your little workstation and quietly get to reading in the corner. If readers are anything like writers, we're absolutely not going to run the risk of causing a scene, let alone drawing any sort of meaningful attention to ourselves, and that crippling social pressure, in this instance, is totally a good thing. You can knuckle down, get the gruelling work done, and go home to scream into your bedroom mirror to your heart's content. That, my friends, is called turning a weakness into a strength... You can thank me later.

6) NONE OF IT IS WORKING. OH DEAR.


OK, change of plan. Now would be a great time to panic. Yep, turns out that no matter how prepared you think you are to cope with the work of "less than good" writers, YOU ARE ALWAYS HORRIBLY UNPREPARED.

Now, if you excuse me, there's a mirror over there that needs a good old fashioned yelling at.


James Cottle, a Scriptwriting Mega-Scholar™, is now a real world Freelance Writer, in between intense bouts of Script Reading. Follow him on Twitter @Jxmxsc, "like" the Anti-Scriptwriting page on Facebook, and share this blog if you want his opinions on your work to be completely unbiased.