The internet has truly brought about the generation of “The
Critic”. For every new piece of content created, there are potentially millions
of audience members all with something to say about it. It’s almost too easy to
trash someone’s work without any real form of backlash, because we’re all
vastly removed from one another, and, for the most part, recognise each other’s
right towards free speech. However, there are some pieces of writing out there
that are so universally panned by amateur and professional critic alike that they’re
enjoyable for that very reason. Here’s how writers can actually learn from
them...
1) My Immortal – Harry Potter Gothic / Emo
Fan Fiction
I’ll admit, I very much like the idea of fan fiction. It
suggests a community of aspiring creators, all immensely passionate about a
story world / arena that they can’t help but breathe more life into it. Of
course, in practice, not everyone quite has what it takes to produce a decent
work of fiction, despite how passionate they may feel. Part of this usually
comes from the fact that the author can’t help but write themselves into the
work, and the other part of it follows a little rule known amongst internet
users as “Rule 34” (Google at your own caution). Enter My Immortal, the most infamous piece of fan fiction ever made...
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6829556/1/My-Immortal
The story follows Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way (I wish
I was joking), a vampire teen who attends Hogwarts, cultivates several romantic
relationships with famous Potter characters, goes to Good Charlotte concerts
and casually drinks blood from time to time. Alarm Bells immediately ring when
the author says her friend Raven helped spell check the story in her first
author’s note (“Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that
way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling”). I implore
any aspiring writers to read it, as it literally forms a list of everything you shouldn’t do when writing a story,
particularly fan fiction – no matter what the original intention is.
2) Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus and All
Of Its Hybrid Counterparts
I’ve got nothing against straight-to-DVD releases – in fact,
many new filmmakers actually choose to start out this way before they’re
notorious enough to achieve theatrical distribution. However, there’s one production
company, known as The Asylum, that
has literally thrived off the backs of terrible movies, both original and
rip-offs. They’re the people responsible for familiar sounding titles like Transmorphers, Snakes on a Train, I Am Omega and Sunday School Musical, purposely designed to confuse your Gran
during her Christmas shop. However, when the company decided to start focusing
on original content, there were some true treats in store...
With Mega Shark Versus
Giant Octopus, the company were finally making deliberately bad movies on
terrible budgets that were actually new. Say
what you will about the end products, but their marketing department must
comprise of creative geniuses, sprouting eye-catching titles like Abraham Lincoln Versus Zombies, 2 Headed
Shark Attack, Mega Python Versus Gatoroid and more recently, Sharknado 2: The Second One. Most people
buying and watching these films know they’re
bad, but are actually curious as to how these bizarre monsters and conflicts
actually play out on screen, and THAT is what you need to be doing with your
concepts.
3) Sonic ’06 – The Most Baffling Video Game
Reboot in History
Sonic the Hedgehog became a pretty huge mascot for Sega in
the 90s – he was faster, cooler and bluer that Nintendo’s Mario. Once video games
started getting a little more 3D as console power grew, Sega began to struggle
on how to implement the titular hedgehog’s speed without making the player’s
experience involuntary nosebleeds. Upon the release of the Xbox 360 and PS3,
the Sonic team rush released a fundamentally unfinished reboot, known
informally as Sonic ’06. Setting
aside all the problems with the game itself, the story is possibly the most
inconsistent, baffling, nonsensical mess of any game ever.
Credit to the creators for being ambitious enough to attempt
3 intertwining stories based on what character you choose, but nothing gels
well here. First off, Sonic and his colourful friends now inhabit a bland grey world
filled with real human people, whilst
trying to stop the grossly cartoonish Eggman who has kidnapped some human
princess that Sonic might have the hots for. Also Shadow, Sonic’s darker
counterpart, now has an even darker counterpart named Mephiles, there’s some
crisis about a giant flaming worm called Iblis destroying the world, and there’s
time travel which results in the 3 massive campaigns being reset, and no one
learning anything from the experience. Too far, Sonic ’06... Too far.
If you want a flavour for how bad this truly is, I’d highly
recommend watching the opening of Game Grumps’ playthrough. Hey, maybe watch
all of it! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7AtQHXCW5s
4) The Room
Ok, I couldn’t have possibly done an article on this topic
without even mentioning Tommy Wiseau’s classic train wreck, The Room. I can’t even count the number
of times I’ve watched it on my hands and feet any more, and I enjoy it every time. Granted, some people
literally cannot stomach it longer than 20 minutes, but every time you come out
the other side, you feel like part of yourself has changed, nay EVOLVED. It’s so
utterly compelling in how ridiculously unpredictable and inconsistent it is
that you literally have no idea what lies around the corner for the characters
to say “Oh Hi” to. There are numerous unresolved plot lines, laughable twists
and bizarre characters that you have to wonder whether you are actually
watching a complex art film.
Ultimately, there’s something deeply life-affirming about The Room for any writer. You now have a
point of reference to say, “OK, I can never produce anything this bad, so maybe I do have some talent”.
Thinking about the movie while I’m writing my own literally boosts my
confidence, which is crucial in committing to the life of a writer. By this
logic, I almost feel bad for The Room
– it has bought joy to millions of people, and yet still gets
labelled as a “bad” film, like just now, when I totally said that. Writing is,
at its core, about finding ways of entertaining people, and this movie actually
excels in this field. So forget all
the rules about character, narrative and basic logic, because giving the
audience a good ride is the only thing you need to strive for.
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