So You Just Got A Scriptwriting Degree? Here's What to Do Next...

Bottom line with this one – I’m going to be brief here. I just got a result I’m very happy with for my MA Scriptwriting Degree, and I’ve got some serious celebrating to do. But this isn’t about me. This is about those crucial next few steps into reality where you’re now playing the part of a writer full time. A writing degree is obviously a good first step towards getting an agent, securing a decent “industry” job or mildly impressing old classmates at school reunions, BUT no one ever tells you about these key life choices you’re now in the unenviable position to make.

1) Update Your Image

The real world of writers demands top designer brands, bizarrely impractical haircuts and gratuitous amounts of plastic surgery – I’m talking full Zellweger. That’s just a fact. But even though image is everything to this stylish bunch, you’ve got to stand out. You can be the one wearing old, black band t-shirts from the years before you were born, develop hair and or bald spots where no one else thought to have them, and ignore the social stigma around “not wearing deodorant”. There are simply no writers out there like this, and if you can be that person, producers and fans will flock to your doorstep, desperate to bag your first “big” idea.

2) Live Near / In Coffee Shops

Half of the old “right place / right time” phrase is apparently being in the right place. Everyone in the media business loves tea or coffee, or, like me, pretends to like them to appear impressive or to avoid a faux pas whenever “no, I don’t like tea or coffee” gets misheard to mean the opposite. So, get yourself a flat near or above or preferably inside the kitchen of one of these social hubs, and plant yourself in a corner during the day, staring at a script you finished ages ago. Guaranteed, you’ll be approached in a mere matter of years by someone who is remotely interested in investing in you, almost entirely at random. Again, this is a hot tip, so use it wisely.

3) Give Up Sustenance

What better way to motivate you to go out there and get a writing contract than the burning desire to eat?! By cutting out your regularly consumed foods and drinks one by one, it won’t be long before you have the gaunt, frail frame of a true writer. Basic healthy living becomes a reward to strive towards once you’ve “made it”, meaning your physical appearance is more indicative of your success level when you look in the mirror. If you’re wondering how living in a coffee shop and not eating is going to be possible, well, clearly you haven’t tried the food that they serve there. That stuff can be reserved for the most desperate of times.

4) Get As Many Pets As You Can, As Fast As You Can

I personally only talk to strangers on the streets who have pets with them. It’s not down to my general misanthropy not extending to animals – I just think pet owners are better conversationalists. Heck, I’m even inclined to give them more money if they ask me! That’s why you need to buy a dozen or so pets and roam the streets with them. You’ll get an awesome rep, and, before long, producers won’t even mind when you bring them all along to your high powered business meetings (in coffee shops of all places). Quick rule – the more unattractive the pet, the more attractive you and your new image will be.

5) Forget Everything You Know About Social Boundaries

Let’s face it – you’ve earned this. With nothing left to stand in your career’s way other than yourself, a degree gives you the permission to anything you can imagine, and, to a certain extent, total police immunity (DISCLAIMER: A certain extent)... Do what you got to do to get that big career break, even if it means turning up at the Head of the BBC’s estate in the dead of night and setting up camp. A restraining order is just a fancy way of saying “Hmm, I’m not quite convinced yet”. If the recognition you seek is far more public, then I wholeheartedly recommend the “Town Centre Slam Poetry / Half Naked Interpretive Dance w/ Chickens Taped to Armpits and Small Russian Baby Dressed As Liberace For A Hat” approach.

James Cottle, after studying Scriptwriting for 4 years, is now an embittered real life freelance writer, and seeks to unlearn everything he knows. But he needs your help... Follow him on Twitter @Jxmxsc and share this blog to help spread his anarchic plight for reform amongst the writing masses.