We all need a little pick-me-up from time to time. Needless
to say, most rational people will seek the solace of a friend, family member or
a mysterious market merchant peddling magical jewellery. The internet’s
inevitable means of combating this and becoming the one-stop shop for harmless
advice is to endlessly spew out images (?) of seemingly random “feel good”
words. That way, people can share the quotes with their friends on social media
who didn’t need / ask for them. A quick Google search inspired me to
compile this list (grammar verbatim)...
20)
“Wake up every morning
with the thought that something wonderful is about to happen.”
Then go and brush your teeth, empty your bladder, change out
of your sweaty PJs, do your taxes, sit in your hour long commute through dense
traffic, etc.
19)
“To live is the rarest
thing in the world most people exist, that is all”
Yeah, you heard right. Loads of people you know aren’t
actually living. They have no lives outside of your little bubble. You’re the
centre of the goddamn world.
18)
“You’ve got what it
takes, but it will take everything you’ve got.”
In that case, you might as well not do it, because then you
won’t be able to do anything else afterwards.
17)
“A simple hello could
lead to a million things.”
Like a £1 million lawsuit, followed by a restraining order. Most
of the time though, they’ll just say “hello” back.
16)
“The happiest people
don’t have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything.”
Of course, if you don’t have anything in the first place,
then you have nothing to make the best of, and making the best of nothing is
basically the same as making the worst out of something.
15)
“Don’t be a woman that
needs a man... Be a woman a man needs!”
Because, like it or not, your existence is always dependent
on your relationship towards men, especially when you don’t want them.
14)
“You only live once
but if you do it right once is enough”
That’s right! There’s no afterlife! When it’s over, it’s
over! Sorry we didn’t tell you this sooner, but you pretty much get zero second
chances with this. #yolo
13)
“sometimes you have to
give up on people. not because you don’t care, but because they don’t.”
It’s totally fine that you don’t care about anything though.
That’s why abandoning people comes so easy to you. And don’t get me started on
how little you care about capitalisation.
12)
“Remind yourself that
it’s okay not to be perfect.”
Do this and you can pretty much get away with anything you
do being a half-arsed job. People will accept mediocrity if it’s expected.
11)
“Everyday is a second
chance”
Because nothing you did yesterday matters, or will ever come
back to haunt you.
10)
“Don’t follow your
dreams, chase them.”
Stalking is infinitely more efficient when it’s done at
speed. Your relentless pursuit will endear you to them in the end.
9)
“Judging a person does
not Define who they are. It defines who you are.”
And you are a person who has never met a professional critic
before.
8)
“just because
something isn’t happening for you right now doesn’t mean that it will never
happen.”
Basically, it’s only a matter of time before you encounter a
killer hitchhiker on this foggy, isolated road, so be patient.
7)
“When you want to
succeed as much as you want to breathe, that’s when you will be successful”
Because that way – Oh, wait. You died from lack of oxygen
years ago.
6)
“Life is so much
brighter when we focus on what truly matters.......”
I’m sorry, what were you saying? I was too busy weeping in
the corner on account of that hideous ellipsis.
5)
“When writing the
story of your life, don’t let anyone else hold the pen.”
Fun Fact: 99% of Hollywood Biopics are written by the
subject’s zombie counterpart. Seriously though, the pen is really expensive.
4)
“The only person you
should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.”
Honestly, you sucked yesterday. In fact, everything you’ve
done up until this point has been pretty sub-par. Sort it out.
3)
“Feelings are much
like waves, we can’t stop them from coming but we can choose which ones to
surf.”
Right, because tsunamis are caused by “strong emotions”. Of
course, if you can’t surf then you are pretty royally screwed anyway.
2)
“There is no elevator
to success. You have to take the stairs”
Unless you happen to have a private pass key for the
exclusive Nepotism Elevator.
1)
“Always wrong persons
teach the right lessons of life”
Uhhh... Sorry, what?
James Cottle, after
studying Scriptwriting for 4 years, is now an embittered real life freelance
writer, and seeks to unlearn everything he knows. But he needs your help...
Follow him on Twitter @Jxmxsc and share this blog to help spread his anarchic
plight for reform amongst the writing masses.
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