Wednesday 8 October 2014

How to Write The Ultimate Superhero Movie (That Will Never Get Made)

Do me a favour – March out into your proverbial ideas paddock and do a quick headcount for me. How many “Cash Cows” do you own? I’ll bet that those few money makers are adorned in colourful spandex, impractical capes and voice-impeding masks. Whilst this analogy may inspire you to pursue your long dormant “Telekinetic Bovine” project, my point is that superhero movies are here to stay, and box office success is almost an inevitability at this stage. But whilst the camp, Universe-building Marvel movies and the sparse, yet “serious” output of DC go toe to toe, maybe it’s about time something different came along to mix up the formula.

1) Write Characters, Not Powers

Seems like a no-brainer, but you’ve got to start somewhere. Obviously, I’m not advocating that we eliminate super powers altogether, but when your protagonist can stop a meteorite by winking at it, it becomes a little tough for the audience to relate to their “daddy issues”. We need to start going a little bit further than single characteristic definition, as just using “brave”, “headstrong”, “tortured” or “snarky” over and over means we’re limiting ourselves to watching dull, cookie-cutter men doing dull, cookie-cutter things (incidentally, I’ve already bagsied Cookie Cutter Man for a five film deal, starting Summer 2017).

Of course, many of the heroes we see on the big screen these days have endured decades of back catalogue in the comic book realm, but the hardcore fans mostly want the pure, original, untainted versions in their debut movies. This should be seen as an opportunity to add complexity and context-specific traits to the characters, rather than attempt all-pleasing broad strokes. This is why you, Mr / Mrs / Miss / Dr Writer, have the advantage of working from the ground up. Your superhero movie can be about a sociopathic, narcissistic pacifist, suffering from survivor’s guilt, but with a deep affinity for animal preservation and healthy eating, on account of their strict vegan upbringing, who just so happens to have the ability to control anything that is magenta in colour. And don’t get me started on having a female lead...

2) Destroy Stuff, Like For Real. Not Just Buildings.

Beware Spoilers for: The Dark Knight, Avengers: Assemble, Iron Man 3, Thor 2: The Dark World, Amazing Spiderman 2, Captain America 2: The Winter Soldier, Guardians of the Galaxy. Most films basically.

The truth is audiences are pretty sadistic. When we see characters kicking ass and beating the system, we are, subconsciously, eagerly anticipating that hero getting knocked down a few pegs. It endears us to them, particularly when they finally succeed in the end, or even later in the franchise. However, if these “Earth-shattering” blows merely amount to the hero finding a new sense of motivation or purpose, what was lost starts to feel a little... cheap. I mentioned in a previous post that female characters close to the protagonist are often killed off for this reason (e.g. Rachel Dawes, Frigga, Gwen Stacey, etc.), but wouldn’t it have been more interesting to see the heroes fail in the end because of their grief?

Consider on the flip-side how many fake-out deaths Marvel have hit us with over the last few films – Agent Coulson, Pepper Potts, Loki and Nick Fury, with Bucky Barnes, Zola and Groot to a lesser extent. It makes financial sense to keep these characters around, if only to kill one of them in Avengers 2: Age of Ultron and give a “dark middle chapter” vibe, but COME ON! Kill someone important already and make it stick! At least Cap 2 gave us a kind of death in terms of “nothing will be the same after this point” (yeah, I’m talking about that organisation), but overall, there’s a lack of courage. When you come to write your movie, kill and destroy almost everything your hero cares about, for real. But make it fun too. That shouldn’t be too hard for you.

3) Mess With Your Audience

We’re all pretty savvy with the formula by now, at least with origin stories. Superhero sequels afford the producers a little more creative licence to experiment (e.g. the Iron Man 3 twist, Batman’s nipples in Batman Forever, etc.), but first instalments follow a pretty specific pattern (even Batman Begins when told linearly).  That’s where you come in. Maybe you create a film where we don’t even know who the hero is until the film’s final moments, or maybe your hero and villain are the same person, or maybe the love interest betrays the hero and is having a gross affair with the elderly mentor figure, meaning our hero must convince their teacher that they are “just after their money and that all powerful amulet”, or something.

Maybe those maybes were bad examples, but maybe they weren’t. Where is it written that superhero movies have to appeal to the masses? Let’s get Nicholas Winding Refn to direct an introspective, visually bizarre acid trip about a hero who can’t speak, or he’ll explode. And forget all the 12A / PG13 stuff, because this revolutionary script demands a narrower, more mature audience. Marvel have already said they’re shying away from making their upcoming Deadpool movie R-Rated, so the burden falls upon us to realise the potential of that missed opportunity – maybe not with that particular titular anti-hero, but another obscure character from the furthest reaches of Marvel’s hive-mind subconscious.

4) No Action

Picture, if you will, your favourite superhero movie of the last two decades. Now decide what your favourite moment from that film was – chances are it was either 1) a comedic moment, 2) a badass line of dialogue or moment, 3) a moment of pure tension, 4) a sad moment or 5) Stan Lee’s inevitable cameo. If you fail to conform to these arbitrary parameters and it was actually a moment of action, like a fist fight or a shootout or a random mook getting owned, then you may be surprised to hear that you are in the minority (according to my trusted source, Facts And Legal Statistics Ensemble). Action, in its rawest sense, whilst visually awesome, is a delaying strategy. We love it for entertainment, but think of the amount of time it takes up...

Take The Dark Knight – often lauded as one of the best superhero movies of all time. Why? Because there is, surprisingly, very little conventional action. The Joker isn’t a physical antagonist – he plays everything on a far more cerebral level. Other than shooting that RPG at that armoured truck that one time, he barely gets his hands dirty. This means that Batman himself gets into arguably the least “fights” of any Batman movie (“SHASPLAT!”), approaching each scenario more like a bomb defusal. The final film, as a result, plays out more like a thriller, equating to the most stressful plate spinning contest that Batman has ever entered. So, if you want your superhero movie to be amazing, put your hero into situations more demanding than just outnumbering them with henchman, like needle threading or headphone untangling.

James Cottle, after studying Scriptwriting for 4 years, is now an embittered real life freelance writer, and seeks to unlearn everything he knows. But he needs your help... Follow him on Twitter @Jxmxsc and share this blog to help spread his anarchic plight for reform amongst the writing masses.

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