In Defence Of... 5 Widely Hated Movie Plot Points

Ever watched a movie and came away thinking, "Man, that one plot point really sucked the life out of everything else"? It happens quite often. Truth is, there's a great deal of pressure on the writer to not only fill 90-180 minutes of screen time, but to make it all important, unique and consistent. So, while some of the points in this article are, for the most part, inexcusable on the surface, I'm going to take you through why the writer(s) may have thought to include them. Also, SPOILER ALERT.

1) Midi-chlorians - Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace

I was born in 1990, which means I was 8 going on 9 by the time The Phantom Menace came out - arguably the perfect age to enjoy that film. Anakin Skywalker wasn't a whinny little brat to me. He was aspirational. Of course, looking back now, my appreciation for the movie has somewhat skewed, mostly thanks to the ingenious Red Letter Media review (seriously, look it up), but there was one moment that stuck out, even as a kid as a little icky - the reveal that the Force, arguably the most beloved invisible power source in cinema history, was just science.

Midi-chlorians, as described by the ever-wise Liam Neeson, are a microscopic organism present in all living cells, and large quantities allowed the host to communicate with the Force. Ever more gross is the suggestion that Anakin was conceived by midi-chlorians... So how can I possibly defend this? Well, what George Lucas was trying to convey in the moment was just how powerful  Anakin was as a boy, without implicitly showing him using the Force. The logical way to gauge something's power level in Science Fiction (or in Dragonball Z) is to arbitrarily stick a number on it that is way higher than everyone else's - in this case, a midi-chlorian count. So while he may have inadvertently pooed on his own legacy, Lucas actually managed to convey the ongoing theme of the prequels, power, in quite a logical, efficient manner.

2) Superman Does A Bad Thing - Man of Steel

I think the thing that some audiences forget about superhero origin stories is that they're origin stories from beginning to end. The "origin" part doesn't stop as soon as they've donned the costume for the first time. In fact, the whole point of Man of Steel is for Kal-El to decide which origin he should place his faith in - his birthplace of Krypton, or his adoptive home of Earth. Both come with vastly different ideologies, personified by Kal's two fathers, Jor-El and Jonathan Kent. One suggesting he should stand above the humans, inspiring them to find their own greatness. The other warning him that humans fear what they can't control or understand. In my opinion, this dilemma visibly weighs upon Kal in every scene - the mark of a compelling movie.

Then Zod shows up and things get a little muddy. Zod represents the extreme of what Jor-El proposed, standing so far above those weaker than him that they practically have no right to exist. By this stage, the newly appointed Superman (not that he even gets called that directly) hasn't even had time to save a cat from a tree, let alone stop any previous global scale invasions. It all comes down to a fight between Supes' and Zod that decimates half of Metropolis, and ending in a choice - should he kill Zod to save a family of humans? With one neck snap, Clark makes his choice, but he's found his balance. Earth is his home, but Superman can't show weakness. Even in that following scene where he destroys the drone, and jokes with the military, more like the traditional Superman we know, there's a sense that he's guarding himself. It's likely now that he won't kill again, but find another way to keep everyone on Earth safe. However you feel about how this was all handled, there's still some aftermath to be dealt with...

3) What Happened to Llewelyn Moss? - No Country For Old Men

No Country For Old Men is a gripping, cat-and-mouse, neo-Western thriller about Llewelyn Moss, a man who happens upon the scene of a drug deal gone awry and a case filled with 2 million dollars. Hot on his tale is Anton Chigurh, a relentless hitman, determined to reclaim the money no matter what stands in his way. This naturally comes across as a pretty obvious protagonist vs antagonist relationship, and that we're going to spend most of our time with Moss. For the most part, this is true, but the movie is also bookended by Sheriff Bell, who laments about the dark times in which they live.

So after we've followed the numerous near misses of Moss and Chigurh, the focus starts to shift off of them again. In typical Coen Brothers fashion, chance and circumstance blend together, as Moss' Mother-in-Law unwittingly reveals his location to a group of Mexicans. Bell arrives late to the scene of a gunfight to find that Moss has been killed, off-screen. He also has an opportunity to apprehend Chigurh, but leaves. The truth is, Moss was never our protagonist. He didn't change or give up the money, putting his wife in harm's way. He had to die. The real story is Bell's, who retires, unable to stomach what the world has become.

4) Bane Isn't The Big Bad -The Dark Knight Rises

Revealing who was really behind it all is always a risky move in films where there's already quite a traditional villain laid out. Bottom line, the twist has to be justified by the relationship between the Big Bad and the Bigger Bad, as well as the reasons behind the deception. In The Dark Knight Rises, whilst Bane brings Gotham to its knees in honour of the fallen League of Shadows, the real puppet-master (or mistress), turns out to be Talia Al Ghul, daughter of Ra's Al Ghul, finishing off what her father started in Batman Begins. Bane in the comics is typically defined somewhere between a physical powerhouse and a master strategist, and here he's presented as a balance of the two.

However, to define Bane as a follower, rather than a partner, is ignoring the fact that Bane is the one doing all the physical legwork. Talia, pretending to be Miranda Tate, comes up with the plan but can't get her hands dirty due to her political position. But they both share the same desire - to see the people of Gotham suffer, born from their father-daughter relationship cultivated in prison. There's strong motivations here, presented in a grounded, if slightly comic book, way. Compare this to the infamous Mandarin twist in Iron Man 3, where the reasons for the deception are far more bizarre and unclear, and TDKR more than holds up (Disclaimer: I personally loved the IM3 twist, but more because it was mostly played for laughs - the actual logic behind it is just baffling).

5) The Ending - I Am Legend

I may have written myself into a corner on this one... For those of you who know the original Richard Matheson novel, you'll know that it comes with a very clear ending and message. The story's nocturnal mutants, known as the "Darkseekers", come face to face with self-proclaimed legend, Robert Neville, in his lab. The alpha male draws a butterfly emblem on the glass separating them, indicating the female that Robert has in his captivity. In that moment, Robert realises that he is the monster to these creatures, returns the female and ends up leaving New York with Anna and Ethan, headed for a survivors camp with an antidote for the plague. Instead, the film gave us a "I'll hold them off" moment, as the Darkseekers try to break through the glass and Robert sacrifices himself by blowing himself and them up with a grenade.

The strangest part about all this is that they filmed the original ending, but test audiences didn't like or get it, so they changed it. Apparently the idea of humans being the bad guy just didn't add up considering everything else that had come before. It's not like the Darkseekers all cowered away in fear, whilst Robert roamed the streets laying traps... Oh. If the message of the novel is that at some point, humanity will stand in the way of evolution, the message of the film is "Oh, Hell No We Won't". So, really it's a glass half empty vs. a glass half full situation. It's not totally unbelievable that audiences would want to come away with some semblance of optimism, right? In both versions, they still find and deliver the cure - it's just a choice between whether a depressed Robert is with Anna and Ethan at the time or not. Is it better to be dead or depressed in an apocalypse? I guess that's the ultimate dilemma the screenwriters faced...

James Cottle, after studying Scriptwriting for 4 years, is now an embittered real life freelance writer, and seeks to unlearn everything he knows. But he needs your help... Follow him on Twitter @Jxmxsc and share this blog to help spread his anarchic plight for reform amongst the writing masses.

Which Oscar Nominated Film Are You Accidentally Writing?

Good ideas, much like bad ideas, are a constant. You’ll find yourself unable to identify which category your idea falls into at first, let alone whether or not someone has already thought of that idea. But don’t fret! With this handy guide, judged against the apparent “best” movies of the last 10-12 months, you’ll be able to see if the core of your story idea is actually similar to something that’s already out there, and subsequently scrap the whole thing if need be. You can thank me later for crushing your dreams.

1) Is your Film based on a True Story?

If Yes, go to Question 2.
If No, go to Question 3.
If Sort Of, go to Question 2 anyway you indecisive fool.

2) Does your Film focus on a Time of War or Immense Political Change?
If Yes, go to Question 4.
If No, go to Question 5.
If Sort Of, go to Question 5 and evaluate your life.

3) Is your Film a Fantasy or Science Fiction Film?
If Yes, go to Question 6.
If No, go to Question 7.
If Sort Of, go to Question 7 and quit blending genres.

4) Is your Protagonist a Soldier in the Film?
If Yes, go to Question 8.
If No, go to Question 9.
If Sort Of, go to Question 9 and stop endangering honest men.

5) Does your Protagonist  have an Abusive Mentor?
If Yes, go to Question 10.
If No, go to Question 11.
If Sort Of, go to Question 10 and lay off the poor kid.

6) Is your Film going to be Animated?
If Yes, go to Question 12.
If No, go to Question 13.
If Sort Of, go to Question 13 and stop relying on CGI.

7) Is your Protagonist slightly Disturbed in the Head?
If Yes, go to Question 14.
If No, go to Question 15.
If Sort Of, go to Question 15 and don’t come back.

8) Does your Protagonist Get Taken Prisoner At Any Point?
If Yes, go to Result Number 1.
If No, go to Result Number 9.

9) Is your Protagonist White?
If Yes, go to Result Number 2.
If No, go to Result Number 10.

10) Does your Film involve any Physical Combat?
If Yes, go to Result Number 3.
If No, go to Result Number 11.

11) Is your Protagonist Still Alive Today (in Real Life)?
If Yes, go to Result Number 4.
If No, go to Result Number 12.

12) Does your Film Lean More Towards Science Fiction?
If Yes, go to Result Number 5.
If No, go Result Number 13.

13) Is your Film a Musical?
If Yes, go to Result Number 6.
If No, go to Result Number 14.

14) Is your Film a Thriller?
If Yes, go to Result Number 7.
If No, go to Result Number 15.

15) Is your Film focussed on a Family?
If Yes, go to Result Number 8.
If No, go to Result Number 16.

The Results:

Naturally, this process is all incredibly reductive, so if your movie hasn’t conformed to this basic quiz, then head to the very bottom of the results to Number 17, where you will find your prize. Otherwise, be sure to comment with your result at the bottom!

1) You’re Writing Unbroken!

Nominations: Best Cinematography, Best Sound Mixing, Best Sound Editing

2) You’re Writing The Imitation Game!

Nominations: Best Film, Best Lead Actor, Best Director, Best Supporting Actress, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Original Score, Best Film Editing, Best Production Design

3) You’re Writing Foxcatcher!

Nominations: Best Lead Actor, Best Director, Best Supporting Actor, Best Original Screenplay, Best Makeup and Hairstyling

4) You’re Writing The Theory of Everything!

Nominations: Best Film, Best Lead Actress, Best Lead Actor, Best Adapted Screenplay, Original Score

5) You’re Writing Big Hero 6!

Nominations: Best Animated Feature Film

6) You’re Writing Into The Woods!

Nominations: Best Supporting Actress, Costume Design

7) You’re Writing Nightcrawler!

Nominations: Best Original Screenplay

8) You’re Writing Boyhood!

Nominations: Best Film, Best Director, Best Supporting Actress, Best Supporting Actor, Best Original Screenplay, Best Film Editing

9) You’re Writing American Sniper!

Nominations: Best Film, Best Lead Actor, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Film Editing, Best Sound Mixing, Best Sound Editing

10) You’re Writing Selma!

Nominations: Best Film, Best Original Song

11) You’re Writing Whiplash!

Nominations: Best Film, Best Supporting Actor, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Film Editing, Best Sound Mixing

12) You’re Writing Mr. Turner!

Nominations: Best Original Score, Best Cinematography, Best Costume Design, Best Production Design

13) You’re Writing How to Train Your Dragon 2!

Nominations: Best Animated Feature Film

14) You’re Writing Interstellar!

Nominations: Best Original Score, Best Sound Mixing, Best Sound Editing, Best Production Design, Best Visual Effects

15) You’re Writing Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)!

Nominations: Best Film, Best Lead Actor, Best Director, Best Supporting Actress, Best Supporting Actor, Best Original Screenplay, Best Cinematography, Best Sound Mixing, Best Sound Editing

16) You’re Writing The Grand Budapest Hotel!

Nominations: Best Film, Best Director, Best Original Screenplay, Best Makeup and Hairstyling, Best Original Score, Best Cinematography, Best Costume Design, Best Film Editing, Best Production Design

17) You’re Writing The Lego Movie!

Nominations: Best Original Song

James Cottle, after studying Scriptwriting for 4 years, is now an embittered real life freelance writer, and seeks to unlearn everything he knows. But he needs your help... Follow him on Twitter @Jxmxsc and share this blog to help spread his anarchic plight for reform amongst the writing masses.

4 Terrible Pieces of Writing That Are Utterly Inspirational

The internet has truly brought about the generation of “The Critic”. For every new piece of content created, there are potentially millions of audience members all with something to say about it. It’s almost too easy to trash someone’s work without any real form of backlash, because we’re all vastly removed from one another, and, for the most part, recognise each other’s right towards free speech. However, there are some pieces of writing out there that are so universally panned by amateur and professional critic alike that they’re enjoyable for that very reason. Here’s how writers can actually learn from them...

1) My Immortal – Harry Potter Gothic / Emo Fan Fiction

I’ll admit, I very much like the idea of fan fiction. It suggests a community of aspiring creators, all immensely passionate about a story world / arena that they can’t help but breathe more life into it. Of course, in practice, not everyone quite has what it takes to produce a decent work of fiction, despite how passionate they may feel. Part of this usually comes from the fact that the author can’t help but write themselves into the work, and the other part of it follows a little rule known amongst internet users as “Rule 34” (Google at your own caution). Enter My Immortal, the most infamous piece of fan fiction ever made...

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6829556/1/My-Immortal

The story follows Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way (I wish I was joking), a vampire teen who attends Hogwarts, cultivates several romantic relationships with famous Potter characters, goes to Good Charlotte concerts and casually drinks blood from time to time. Alarm Bells immediately ring when the author says her friend Raven helped spell check the story in her first author’s note (“Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling”). I implore any aspiring writers to read it, as it literally forms a list of everything you shouldn’t do when writing a story, particularly fan fiction – no matter what the original intention is.

2) Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus and All Of Its Hybrid Counterparts

I’ve got nothing against straight-to-DVD releases – in fact, many new filmmakers actually choose to start out this way before they’re notorious enough to achieve theatrical distribution. However, there’s one production company, known as The Asylum, that has literally thrived off the backs of terrible movies, both original and rip-offs. They’re the people responsible for familiar sounding titles like Transmorphers, Snakes on a Train, I Am Omega and Sunday School Musical, purposely designed to confuse your Gran during her Christmas shop. However, when the company decided to start focusing on original content, there were some true treats in store...

With Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus, the company were finally making deliberately bad movies on terrible budgets that were actually new. Say what you will about the end products, but their marketing department must comprise of creative geniuses, sprouting eye-catching titles like Abraham Lincoln Versus Zombies, 2 Headed Shark Attack, Mega Python Versus Gatoroid and more recently, Sharknado 2: The Second One. Most people buying and watching these films know they’re bad, but are actually curious as to how these bizarre monsters and conflicts actually play out on screen, and THAT is what you need to be doing with your concepts.

3) Sonic ’06 – The Most Baffling Video Game Reboot in History

Sonic the Hedgehog became a pretty huge mascot for Sega in the 90s – he was faster, cooler and bluer that Nintendo’s Mario. Once video games started getting a little more 3D as console power grew, Sega began to struggle on how to implement the titular hedgehog’s speed without making the player’s experience involuntary nosebleeds. Upon the release of the Xbox 360 and PS3, the Sonic team rush released a fundamentally unfinished reboot, known informally as Sonic ’06. Setting aside all the problems with the game itself, the story is possibly the most inconsistent, baffling, nonsensical mess of any game ever.

Credit to the creators for being ambitious enough to attempt 3 intertwining stories based on what character you choose, but nothing gels well here. First off, Sonic and his colourful friends now inhabit a bland grey world filled with real human people, whilst trying to stop the grossly cartoonish Eggman who has kidnapped some human princess that Sonic might have the hots for. Also Shadow, Sonic’s darker counterpart, now has an even darker counterpart named Mephiles, there’s some crisis about a giant flaming worm called Iblis destroying the world, and there’s time travel which results in the 3 massive campaigns being reset, and no one learning anything from the experience. Too far, Sonic ’06... Too far.

If you want a flavour for how bad this truly is, I’d highly recommend watching the opening of Game Grumps’ playthrough. Hey, maybe watch all of it! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7AtQHXCW5s

4) The Room

Ok, I couldn’t have possibly done an article on this topic without even mentioning Tommy Wiseau’s classic train wreck, The Room. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve watched it on my hands and feet any more, and I enjoy it every time. Granted, some people literally cannot stomach it longer than 20 minutes, but every time you come out the other side, you feel like part of yourself has changed, nay EVOLVED. It’s so utterly compelling in how ridiculously unpredictable and inconsistent it is that you literally have no idea what lies around the corner for the characters to say “Oh Hi” to. There are numerous unresolved plot lines, laughable twists and bizarre characters that you have to wonder whether you are actually watching a complex art film.

Ultimately, there’s something deeply life-affirming about The Room for any writer. You now have a point of reference to say, “OK, I can never produce anything this bad, so maybe I do have some talent”. Thinking about the movie while I’m writing my own literally boosts my confidence, which is crucial in committing to the life of a writer. By this logic, I almost feel bad for The Room – it has bought joy to millions of people, and yet still gets labelled as a “bad” film, like just now, when I totally said that. Writing is, at its core, about finding ways of entertaining people, and this movie actually excels in this field. So forget all the rules about character, narrative and basic logic, because giving the audience a good ride is the only thing you need to strive for.

James Cottle, after studying Scriptwriting for 4 years, is now an embittered real life freelance writer, and seeks to unlearn everything he knows. But he needs your help... Follow him on Twitter @Jxmxsc and share this blog to help spread his anarchic plight for reform amongst the writing masses.

Why the 5 BAFTA "Best Original Screenplay" Films Were Nominated

I love the “Best Original Screenplay” Category of any awards organisation. Why? Because it strips back all the extraneous factors that people say make up a great film (e.g. direction, cinematography, Daniel Day Lewis) and focuses solely on the style and substance of the story. Naturally, there may be a degree of bias in that love, but, as previously asserted, I have the relevant degree to allow me to make such declarations. So whenever a new year comes around, along with a new, fresh set of screenplay nominations, it’s a fun little hobby to analyse and speculate what made them stand above their competitors.

1) Birdman – Alejandro G. Inarritu, Nicholas Giacobone, Alexander Dinelaris Jr, Armando Bo

Written by some sort of modern reboot of the Four Tenors, Birdman is truly unlike any film you have seen before. Akin to that distinct stress dream that anyone who has ever performed on stage before has experienced, the movie seamlessly glides around the theatre, jumping from scene to scene, building to a dizzying climax of desperation, madness and false validation. Among the chaos, the titular Birdman looms in the shadows, reflective of a bygone career and pulling the strings to orchestrate his dramatic comeback.

What really makes the screenplay great are the unique, yet eerily familiar, contrasting characters that populate the story world. Different schools of acting, public persona cultivation and ignorance are violently bashed against one another and deconstructed in the resulting mess. Every character feels like a ticking time bomb, and part of the joy for the audience is wondering who is going to go off first. Birdman isn’t a superhero film at all, although it has plenty to say about them... I would more accurately describe it as an “alter-ego” film.

2) Boyhood – Richard Linklater

The basic pitch for Boyhood almost sounds like it came from some sort of bet, late at night in a bar after a few too many drinks were consumed. Films have spanned vast timescales before, often relying on period costumes or bizarre prosthetics to achieve some semblance of age, but never undertaken with this level of ambition or determination. Whilst it was filmed over a staggering 12 years, adapting itself to the changing world on the fly, take a moment to consider the level of forethought and planning required in the scripting stages.

Linklater’s Screenplay taps into a deep nostalgia buried in almost every male on the planet, and confidently unfolds it before our eyes, like pulling out mementos from a time capsule. It doesn’t feel the need to distribute rose tinted spectacles among the cinema-goers however, charting the rocky perils of adolescence alongside the innocence of youth to a level of exceptional realism. Naturally, the ambition and notoriety of Boyhood will certainly aid in its nominations during awards season, but ultimately the amount of care and precision taken with the screenplay to make the world feel believable will be what secures it any victories.

3) The Grand Budapest Hotel – Wes Anderson

Separating our perceptions of the fantastic performances and direction of The Grand Budapest Hotel with that of its screenplay is arguably much easier than with any other film on this list. That’s not to say that there is a noticeable disconnect between what we’re seeing and what was on the page – in fact, it’s that the writing, as always with Wes Anderson, is so sharp that it has inspired these great performances and directorial cues from the start. He’s created a world, specifically a hotel, that you want to visit, populated by characters that you want to meet, in spite of the dire situations surrounding the plot.

Taking place over 4 different time periods, with varying levels of narrative focus, the film manages to sustain a consistent story momentum, framing what could have been an over-convoluted crime caper with a complex balance of necessary restraint with delightful whimsy. Dialogue is punchy and witty throughout, accelerating the story breathlessly from set piece to set piece. The Grand Budapest Hotel, at its core, however, is about the blossoming of an unlikely friendship, and how the titular hotel manages to cultivate a relationship between two men that spans decades.

4) Nightcrawler – Dan Gilroy

While it would have been great to have a solo film for the one member of the X-Men (X-Man?) that has been significantly underappreciated in the movie universe, what Nightcrawler provides is a scintillating thriller that noticeably stopped my heart from beating on multiple occasions. Lou Bloom, a determined man in search of a job in LA, finds himself muscling into the cut-throat world of “stringers”, who stalk police sirens in order to be first to the scene of the crime with their camera, before selling their footage on to local news studios.

Bloom himself is a chilling combination of Patrick Bateman from American Psycho and Abed from Community, spouting business idioms with an unsettling level of disconnect for the victims. As the title suggests, the character becomes almost predatory, and when he begins to blur the lines between observer and participant, you can feel the stakes being dramatically ramped up inside your own throat. Nightcrawler grabs you harder than any of the other films on this list, desperately dragging you down the rabbit hole, forcing you to take a long look at the ethics and presentation of the news, and who really is “the star”.

5) Whiplash – Damien Chazelle

First and foremost, this film isn’t actually out yet, and while I would love to read the screenplay ahead of its release, part of me doesn’t want my first viewing to be spoilt... which is interesting, considering what I said earlier about the script being the purest form of the story. Nevertheless, let’s look at what I do know about Whiplash. The story is partly based on writer / director Damien Chazelle’s experience as a band student in High School, particularly his fear towards his intimidating instructor. It drove him to strive for greatness, despite it almost seeming like his instructor was trying to stop him from achieving it.

So what exactly does Whiplash tap into? Unfaltering determination in the face of adversity, going beyond your self-prescribed limits and a deep need for validation. Perhaps what the film is providing for audiences is a new take on modern aspirations. Forget the obvious desires that come with superhero movies, or the vicarious gratification of action or romance films. What has become inherently interesting to us now is the pure strength of will, patience and hardship required to be the best at something – a distant hope we all seek, but are only now willing to accept the price of.

James Cottle, after studying Scriptwriting for 4 years, is now an embittered real life freelance writer, and seeks to unlearn everything he knows. But he needs your help... Follow him on Twitter @Jxmxsc and share this blog to help spread his anarchic plight for reform amongst the writing masses.

5 Experimental Methods For Defeating Writer's Block

No matter what occupation you’ve stumbled into in life, there will always be an antagonistic force preventing you from doing that job. This may sound overly-dramatic, but it’s totally true – Newton put it best when he posited that “for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”. Postal Workers have Dog Walkers, Customer Service Reps have Customers, and Writers have Writer’s Block. It’s a tangible force, turning words into not-words, right when they’re needed most. Every writer has their own methods of battling this inconvenient scourge, but here’s a few more experimental ways that I may or may not have tested.

1) Constantly Be Going to Sleep or Waking Up

The definitive opposite of writer’s block for any modern writer is that sweet spot time of day where you’re simply at your most productive / creative / uninhibited. For myself and many other writers I’ve had the privilege of knowing, it unfortunately comes at quite an ungodly hour. I’m talking “so late at night that it’s basically already the next day” kinda time. Equally, some writers tend to be at their most awesome when they wake up super early in the morning – I’m talking “so early in the morning that’s it’s basically still last night” kinda time. Naturally, there’s some crossover between these time periods.

So why not simulate these conditions constantly? Give yourself an hour and half of sleep before two hours of awake time, and repeat. The great part is that this adds up to 24 and half hours in a day, giving yourself an extra half hour to do what you love (I’m sure your calendar will naturally course correct itself down the line). Have plenty of sleeping pills and alarm clocks on standby, and be sure to set up a schedule so that they may co-exist peacefully. Now your life is just one long sweet spot! You may have to sacrifice other basic human functions, such as bathing, eating, drinking, human contact and exercise, but you’ll soon find your script is finished in no time...

2) Find Your Characters in Real Life and Follow Them

Unless you’re writing about an intergalactic politician from the planet Nebulus 7, you can probably find some sort of real life counterpart to the characters you are currently writing about. Even so, your intergalactic politician from Nebulus 7 could be based on a real politician (even if they have less tentacles than their Earth counterpart). Luckily, most of your cast design may be consciously or subconsciously built out of people you already know personally, in which case, this step will be incredible easy for you! Ring them up, catch up with them and subtly enquire as to their current whereabouts.

If you characters don’t seem to have an obvious proxy amongst your friends / family / enemies, then you’ll have to do a little more work to track someone down. Nevertheless, once you do find them, it is imperative that you DO NOT ENGAGE THEM. The only way worthwhile notes are going to be taken from this experience is if you remain entirely objective. You don’t want to be studying your dentist antagonist’s proxy only to fall in love with them. Hang back, observing their behaviours, mannerisms, likes / dislikes, relationships and ticks, but be sure to do this in a way that remains within the parameters of legality. Don’t learn about the alternative the hard way.

3) Instigate A Failure = Punishment Scheme

Fear can be a powerful motivator. Aside from the minor fear of not meeting your script deadline, the fear of total failure can pressure us into achieving greatness. Now some people like to implement reward schemes into their writing process, e.g. I’ve written 3 pages today, meaning I’ve earnt some time to watch last night’s Top Gear. This is all well and good, but ultimately there isn’t that much actually at stake. Stakes are important in stories, so why shouldn’t they be important in story writing? So, if you’ve actually got stuff to lose, it’s time to put them on the line, and gamble for greatness...

Hire a friend or trusted ally (they’ll be much cheaper and easier to find) to police your behaviour during your next writing session. They’re on hand to enforce your punishments (it’s at this point I probably should mention that you can’t make your punishments kinky if you’re into that sort of thing. Especially if your friend is into it). If you can’t write 5 good pages in 2 hours then your friend is taking your Sky Box away for a month. If that doesn’t motivate you, make the punishment even harsher (e.g. your friend gets control of your money / fridge / spouse). Fear will make you a more productive (DISCLAIMER: not necessarily better) writer.

4) Pretend to Be Perpetually Leaving the Cinema

Arguably, the most important thing a writer needs to consider when creating story is their audience (#2 is coffee shops to work in). Obviously you can gauge your own tastes pretty well, but you won’t ever get much one-on-one time with general moviegoers or TV bingers. There is one mythical place, however, where content and reception can be found hand in hand – your local cinema. “But cinemas are so damn expensive these days”, I hear you yell redundantly into your laptop monitor. No matter, dear friend, for this plan requires absolutely no financial investment whatsoever.

All you need to do is station yourself in the cinema lobby for a day. Tell the staff whatever you have to in order to get them to leave you alone (maybe even be truthful). Now you’re in a position to bear witness to the window of time where people are most likely to talk about what they did or didn’t like about a movie. As the groups leave the screens, slot in behind them with your notepad, and take extensive notes based on what you overhear. “I didn’t like the bit where he cracked the Enigma Code” – brilliant, no code cracking in my story! “No idea what James Corden was doing in it” – scratch all slightly rotund British lad characters! “I loved the part where the Robot rode on top of the Robot Dinosaur”... Oh.

5) Vow to Never Write Again

If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. I believe Isaac Newton also said that. Honestly, the only real reason writer’s block becomes an issue is because we’re in a mindset of wanting or needing to write. Imagine the burden that will be lifted once you let go of that want or need, and accept that writing just comes and goes as and when it pleases. The next time you find yourself struck by writer’s block, there’s no sense in trying to be the unstoppable force that budges the immovable object. Just hold your hands up and walk away, before doing something else with your life.

This may all sound defeatist, but really what you’re doing is tricking your brain, without having to pay Leonardo DiCaprio to go inside of it. You come up with some of your best ideas when you’re not even thinking about writing, and that’s what you have to simulate. Before long, that idea will come and it will be so glorious that you’ll wonder why you don’t quit writing all the time. If this method doesn’t lend itself to your tight deadlines, then, well... I don’t know. I’m not sure what you’d do. If I’m honest, I’ve hit a bit of a block on this one. HENCE WHY I AM QUITTING WRITING FOREVER, EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY (until next Saturday).

James Cottle, after studying Scriptwriting for 4 years, is now an embittered real life freelance writer, and seeks to unlearn everything he knows. But he needs your help... Follow him on Twitter @Jxmxsc and share this blog to help spread his anarchic plight for reform amongst the writing masses.

5 Things Scriptwriters Should Consider For 2015

Like the ever transitioning job of “Defence Against the Dark Arts” Teacher, a new year brings with it a new set of challenges, rules and “beloved” British acting talent. It’s a time for bizarre methods of weight loss, giving up whatever has apparently been slowly killing you, and personal goals lifted from the pages of Biff, Chip, Kipper and Floppy books. More importantly to the modern writer, the TV and Film landscape is changing, and apparently I have all the answers, so I suppose you had better listen up, buster (sorry, my New Year’s resolution was to utilise more contemporary put downs, but clearly something has gone wrong somewhere down the line).

1) Anthology Series Are Changing The Rules

Apparently, TV studios are really starting to go for this “one and done” mentality of show production, where stories are only as long as they need to be before moving on to something else that can apparently share the same title. Two of last year’s big successes, True Detective and Fargo, are currently developing their sophomore seasons with a whole new cast in different locations and time periods respectively. While this doesn’t necessarily mean we’re going to see the death of continuing drama, it does suggest we’re going to be getting a lot more of this down the line.

But that’s across the pond, right? Surely we Brits won’t adopt this model too? True, the US does have more resources at its disposal to make anthologies a reality, but maybe that’s where you come in, my writing chum. If you can create an arena or thematic connection that yields stories beyond your initial mainstay characters, you’ve got the scope for an anthology. It doesn’t even have to undergo an extreme makeover on series basis – look at the work of Jimmy McGovern and you’ll see that British anthologies can reinvent themselves every single episode.

2) True Stories Are Back In Fashion

As we all know, the ending of Winter brings about a season that many enjoy tremendously – Awards Season. Big Hollywood movies crafted with an authentic, artistic voice become the talk of the town, and already 2015 has some emerging favourites. Among these are The Imitation Game and The Theory of Everything - two Biopics revealing the truths and tragedies behind iconic geniuses, even if neither ever really get their hands dirty. Nevertheless, these movies are entertaining for those after strong character stories, educational for those less informed and exciting for movie studios as famous figures almost come with an immediate audience.

Looking beyond these obvious examples, 2015 really looks to be the year of the “troubled prodigy” – a concept that’s inherently fascinating due to its balancing of the aspirational and the amoral. Two other contenders for Awards Season are Foxcatcher and Whiplash, the former a biographical look at an infamous murder case, and the latter a semi-autobiographical story about a jazz drummer trained under military-like conditions. Watching trailers for these movies one after the other, you’d be forgiven for thinking they follow the same story structure, but the critical acclaim achieved before both have even been fully released show that true stories, done right, can be a force to be reckoned with.

3) Even More Streaming Services

Despite services like Netflix and Hulu being applauded for offering up vast selections of media in one place, it appears as if these behemoths may soon be just as fragmented as the numerous outlets they “borrowed” from in the first place. That’s right – more streaming services are on the way, and many are already boasting exclusivity on shows that they possess the rights to, suggesting they’ll become more and more like classically defined “channels”. Nevertheless, existing services are consistently boosting their roster and many are turning towards developing quality original programming to justify their existences.

Maybe the big terrestrial channels weren’t too keen on your latest TV show idea, but who’s to say it wouldn’t work perfectly on a streaming service like Netflix? You’ve got to start considering what I like to call the “Binge-ability Factor”. House of Cards and Orange is the New Black are designed to be consumed in extended sittings, by constantly offering up loose ends, cliffhangers and the promise of deeper secrets. One thing House of Cards does particularly well is placing its big shocking moments around the end of Act 2, rather than at the very end, so that you’ve already had time to process the ramifications of the twist by the time the option to hit “Next Episode” comes around.

4) Be Wary Of The Controversial Choice

Look, I think you know what I’m going to talk about here, because my extended Christmas / New Year hiatus came around as this story was really starting to hit the fan. Yes, I’m going to talk about The Interview. By now, pretty much all has been said on what it means for freedom of speech, questions of decency and the pervasiveness of satire, so I thought I’d consider the writer’s perspective for a moment. The story was devised by Seth Rogen, Evan Goldberg and Dan Sterling (who also wrote the screenplay), who share among themselves many credible comedy writing accolades and credits...

So why did they want to make this movie? Satirical comedy has always been a large part of Western culture, but what does it mean when the subject under attack (quite literally in the film) isn’t really a part of that culture to begin with? Was it all just for the cheap laughs that previous Rogen efforts have opted for? Whatever the answers are, choosing the subject for your film has proven to be less important than how you choose to frame the story. Those true stories I talked about earlier - What if they were screwball comedies or crass satires? If you want to tackle a story that forces us to face an unpleasant truth, then all power to you, but, I implore you, do tread lightly...

5) Start Predicting What Will Be Good In 2016

This is a pretty obvious statement for writers, despite being incredibly unclear on how such predictions can be achieved. Aside from visiting an actual psychic, the best thing you can do is be logical, mathematical and as omniscient as possible. For example, if Anthologies are to become the next big thing, what sort of narrative structure will that lead to afterwards? It could be hypothesised that it will come full circle, culminating in some sort of Twilight Zone reboot (Lord knows, TV loves their reboots and prequels as much as Hollywood these days). Conversely, you could imagine the format dying out, giving way to ultra serialised long form narratives once more. Or maybe there’ll come a time when it’s not even clear whether a series is adopting an anthology model or secretly feeding into a larger story.

What about the true stories craze? Aside from maybe just being a seasonal phenomenon, are we going to start blurring the lines between reality and fiction more than ever? Films like the phenomenal Birdman would certainly suggest so (not that anyone would dare emulate that film now). Maybe you prefer to think of trends in terms of genre. One thing is for sure, superhero movies aren’t going away, so will they take a leaf out Captain America: The Winter Soldier’s book and start blending genres, or just continue to build on the elements previous movies have committed them to? However you chose to break it down, if you can think ahead and genuinely get excited for what the next stage is going to be, you’re going to do absolutely fine this year.

James Cottle, after studying Scriptwriting for 4 years, is now an embittered real life freelance writer, and seeks to unlearn everything he knows. But he needs your help... Follow him on Twitter @Jxmxsc and share this blog to help spread his anarchic plight for reform amongst the writing masses.