Listen, I’m not claiming to be a better writer than those
who have penned these cinematic classics over the last few decades, but, as we all
know, Hollywood sometimes has been known to play it a bit safe. So, thanks to
the limitless critical potential of “hindsight”, we can now look at such movies
and wonder how they could have been improved with reckless abandon and a
complete disregard towards narrative consistency.
1) Toy Story – Buzz Is Actually A Space Ranger
Consider, if you will, the implication that Buzz Lightyear
isn’t actually a toy, but instead part of a race of intergalactic, miniature,
slightly-plastic looking, space rangers. Buzz crash lands on Earth inside of a
toy factory after a mission gone wrong, and is picked up by a disgruntled floor
worker who immediately goes to his boss with the idea of mass production. The
real Buzz gets packaged up with the others, and bought by Andy’s mom. None of
this is revealed at first, mind, providing an end of Act 2 twist that will
leave young audiences with mouths agape and, more than likely, the seeds planted
for an existential crisis later on in life.
After the crash, Buzz’s systems malfunctioned, and were
mostly replaced by their plastic counterparts in the factory. However, when the
iconic moment comes for Buzz to fly out of Sid’s window, aided only by his self
belief and the vocal stylings of Randy Newman, he flies rather than falls. Buzz
has his big Man of Steel moment,
finding the power within himself that he always knew was there. By this stage
though, Buzz’s mission to return home seems like a far off possibility,
compared to where he has found his new home – alongside Andy. Yes, Buzz decides
to forsake his duties as a protector of galactic peace, all so he can make a
young Earth boy happy. Now there’s a tearjerker!
2) Star Wars – Old
Ben Kenobi Is Actually The Emperor
Woah, hold up there! Whenever people mention “Star Wars” and
“twist” in the same sentence, 99% of people will think of that iconic Jeremy
Kyle moment in Empire Strikes Back. But
let’s go one better... Forget for a moment that the Star Wars prequels ever exis- Oh right, you already have. Good. Having
Old Ben mentoring a young Luke Skywalker into fulfilling his destiny and
becoming a Jedi becomes a far more sinister thought if you imagine he's preparing Luke to join the Dark Side. Maybe Ben doesn’t even mention that there
is a Dark Side, encouraging Luke to
let his powers manifest naturally.
So Ben, formerly Obi Wan, trained the artist formerly known
as Anakin Skywalker – Ben states that to Luke implicitly. With that in mind, he’s not
lying to Luke at all – he’s just omitting the fact that he’s the Emperor and
Anakin is Vader. So, throughout Luke’s mission to rescue Princess Leia, Ben is
subtly poisoning Luke against his father, culminating in staging his own (fake) death
at the hands of the breathing-impaired Vader to inspire hatred and the desire
for revenge. All this comes out in Return
Of The Jedi, where Luke learns that all those who are learned in the ways
of the Force inevitably turn evil (except for Yoda, because he’s awesome), and he must carve his path to righteousness alone. Deep...
3) The Lord Of The
Rings – Boromir Kills Frodo
What better way to
illustrate the power of the One Ring over the hearts of good men than to have
Boromir accidentally (but also kinda on purpose) kill Frodo when he tries to
take the ring in Amon Hen? Talk about putting the quest to Mount Doom into
freefall! Let’s look at how this scenario would then play out... Boromir would
instantly regret his actions, driven mad by what the ring has done to him.
Aragorn would come across Boromir and Frodo’s body, uncertain whether or not to
strike Boromir down. Then the Shelob droppings would really hit the fan as
Saruman’s Uruk-Hai would turn up, forcing the Fellowship into a desperate fight
as Boromir tries to run.
The Fellowship are slowly overwhelmed, with Aragorn unable
to pursue the man who struck Frodo down. Boromir comes across the other Halflings
– Merry, Pippin and Sam. Upon seeing their faces, the gravity of what he has
done truly sinks in, collapsing to his knees. He throws the Ring to the ground
in front of him in despair, which is then picked up by Sam. Seeing one last
chance for redemption, Boromir charges into the Uruk-Hai horde before Lurtz
shoots him down, as per usual (he is Sean Bean after all). Merry and Pippin are captured, but Sam gets away, taking on the rest of his journey alone until he forms an uneasy partnership
with Gollum... Why does he continue? For
Frodo.
4) Back To The Future
– Marty Becomes An Exile In Time
Time travel has plot holes – let’s start getting over that,
and just enjoy the ride. Whilst Back To
The Future is no exception to this rule, it is a beloved cinematic classic,
that in turn set up two sequels that actually weren’t awful. However, if those
behind the original had chosen not to set up the events of Part 2 at the climax of the movie, they could have turned an infamous
plot hole into the crux of the rest of the trilogy. Here’s what I’m talking
about... Marty gets his parents back together in 1955, and creates a better
1985 for him to come back to. However,
upon returning, logic would dictate that there would be another Marty McFly in his place, having been raised by George and
Lorraine 2.0.
So, the big question is what does Marty do now that there’s
someone else living his life? As Doc Brown points out in the second film,
meeting another version of yourself can potentially have devastating
repercussions on the time space continuum. Marty would inevitably feel cheated, and lash
out at the Doc – a dynamic not really explored in the trilogy as it stands. He’d
want to get Jennifer back as his girlfriend, but seeing her in the arms of
another Marty would create a really interesting love triangle, where she would
believe she was dating one man, but in reality would be dating two versions of
the same man who would never be able to
meet. It’s more of a mirror image of the first film in that sense, and
could potentially give Doc and Marty a greater reason to explore different time
periods.
5) Harry Potter – Voldemort
Never Existed
Watching the first few movies (or reading the first few
books if you’re that way inclined) of Harry
Potter again, it almost becomes a running joke of how many typically evil
characters swear allegiance to Voldemort, despite the fact he’s not technically
alive at that point. But what if he was never alive? It almost makes more sense that a being so inherently
evil and powerful would be a work of fiction, and that his followers are just
devout followers of a long running religion / cult / organisation. Those
working in “his” name would carry out vague orders found within the diary of
Tom Riddle – a slimy kid whose existence has been misinterpreted as the second
coming of some long dead evil.
But wait, I hear you call! What about what happened to Harry
as a baby? Well, there’s no definitive proof that it was
“He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named” (another indication that he’s a fabrication), and
not just one of his many followers. It’d certainly lend a bit more credence to
the idea of Harry being some sort of “Chosen One” if he was able to resist the
evil curse of some lowly assassin, rather than the most powerful, malevolent
being in the known Universe. It’d certainly make Harry less special as a character, but maybe that’s ultimately what he
needs to endear him to us a little more – crumbling under the weight of false
expectation. As the series would progress, those trying to resurrect Voldemort
would instead discover the truth about him, but would continue enacting “his”
will out of faith alone, which, I’ll admit, is a far more biting allegory for
belief in general, but hey, it’s just a dumb little story.
James Cottle, after
studying Scriptwriting for 4 years, is now an embittered real life freelance
writer, and seeks to unlearn everything he knows. But he needs your help...
Follow him on Twitter @Jxmxsc and share this blog to help spread his anarchic
plight for reform amongst the writing masses.
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