Someone once asked me what you need to be a scriptwriter. Turns
out it was me asking myself in a steamed up mirror late at night. Nevertheless,
following the considered instruction of Dr. MC Hammer, let us “break it down”.
A is for Action
Whilst it’s obvious you need stuff happening in your story, “Action”
is equally important in your reality. Car chases, kung fu fights and helicopter
escapes are fun, but won’t happen if you’re sat still.
B is for Beverage
A trusty drink at your side is invaluable in the writing
process, whether it be for basic hydration, big bursts of energy or to let your
inhibitions run free. But don’t get too drunk, energised or hydrated.
C is for Celtx
It’s the software that lets you do almost everything Final
Draft does and it’s completely free.
There is literally no downside to the arrangement - unless you count the
hideously unreliable spell checker.
D is for Dialogue
You’ve got to know how people talk in real life and somehow
make that interesting. This usually
means cutting 90% of the content, hiding exposition and then inserting every
possible one-liner.
E is for Emotion
A basic understanding of emotion is fine, but you’ll soon
see that people experience several different emotions at once, depending on
context. Try feeling angry, scared and happy as you write – it’s fun.
F is for Fingers
These under-appreciated appendages are how you get the words
onto the page. The faster and more accurately you can use them, the better. Try
exercising them regularly (not like that).
G is for Guts
A writer without fear is a writer to be feared. Throw caution
to the wind when you write. There’s no rules that can’t be broken. You want
producers to tell you that you have “balls”, even if you don’t.
H is for Humility
Confidence is all well and good, but a little modesty every
once in a while can be far more effective in endearing yourself to important people.
On the flipside, don’t put yourself down too much.
I is for Imagination
Dream big. Picture a battle between Poseidon and Mr. Motivator,
straddled atop a gold-crusted unicorn, leaping between pancake-flavoured rainbows
and a melting ice castle. Now write that.
J is for Judgement
Writing is a tough balancing act. You’ve got to judge the
appropriate weightings for your project between character and plot, comedy and seriousness,
protagonist and antagonist, etc.
K is for Knowledge
If you’ve got more than half a brain, which I assume you do
if you’re able to read this, you’ll be able to inject some cold hard facts to
lend your project some authority. Research, although dull, can help.
L is for Laptop
Take good care of your laptop, as it most likely contains
the majority of your life’s work. Keep it with you where you can, ready for when
a new idea strikes or if you just need to unwind with solitaire.
M is for Madness
Look, I’m not saying all writers are slightly insane. I’m
just saying “bleep bloop garble glooble swirly line asterisk hashtag pound sign
skull and crossbones edible underwear Manchester Airport fluffy”.
N is for Networking
It’s all about who you know in this business. I’m proud to
say that I’ve met a whopping seven
people in my life, and two of those people own a television. Unfortunately,
both of them are now missing.
O is for Omission
Writing is increasingly about what you don’t say. Silence
and inaction can speak volumes. In a few decades, stories will probably be two
characters sat in a room looking at each other for 90 minutes.
P is for Place
Find a spot where your creative flow isn’t blocked by a
distracting dam and make it your own. It could be a dark cupboard, in the centre
of a roundabout or, my personal favourite, in the sewer.
Q is for Questions
What good is a story if it doesn’t ask any questions? Pretty
good question, if I do say so myself. Inquire about everything and everyone
around you constantly. It will never get annoying.
R is for
Representation
Works on several levels – 1) Your story represents certain
groups / individuals, 2) Your story is a re-presentation
of reality, 3) You represent yourself, as you 4) strive for industry
representation.
S is for Story
Well, gee! Didn’t think of that! Enough sass. This is the
most fundamental thing you need to be a writer. It could be original, based on
a real event / person, an adaptation, anything. You need it.
T is for Twitter
Where better to share daily observations and stories than a
network that encourages brevity? Follow the right people, retweet them, get
followed, get retweeted, and so on.
U is for Unpredictability
You can spend years studying and learning the ins-and-outs
of the craft, but unpredictability is something you can’t be taught. You have
to find it within yourself so you can defeat Mecha Hitler.
V is for Visuals
Writing for the screen is all about them sick visuals, yo. I
ain’t just chattin’ ‘bout explosions and such. I’m preaching “Show, don’t Tell”.
Why have someone say “I’m sad” when you can show them crying?
W is for Watching
Part of researching your industry is watching everything you
possibly can. This is the fun part. Nevertheless, choose carefully. Go for
critical acclaim, cult success, the intriguing or the terrible.
X is for Xylophone
When you’re provided with a limited number of notes to play
with, you need to stretch those notes to their absolute limit to get the most
out of them, much like how I’ve stretched this metaphor.
Y is for Yes
Positivity and taking any opportunity that comes your way
are the by-products of saying “Yes”. Grab every chance by the shoulders and
scream “Yes! Yes! I want you! I need you!” until things get weird.
Z is for Zero
Disregard everything I just told you. You don’t really need
anything to be a “writer”. You don’t need riches or an education or even much
willpower. I guess we all need something to say though. Damn.
Now you know your ABCs, hurry up and write a script for me.
James Cottle, after
studying Scriptwriting for 4 years, is now an embittered real life freelance writer,
and seeks to unlearn everything he knows. But he needs your help... Follow him
on Twitter @Jxmxsc and share this blog to help spread his anarchic plight for
reform amongst the writing masses.
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